Self Growth Diary: Page 3- Gratitude

Life comes at you fast. In your moments of pain, anger and sadness, you begin to reflect on your journey. 

Things are rough right now and someday I’ll blog about it. When my mom mentioned gratitude days ago, I brushed it off cause I felt I was truly grateful. I thanked God for his blessings but our conversation this morning made me realise that’s not entirely true.

You see we had it rough in Jos before coming to Ghana. God blessed us but our mindset never changed. There was this feeling of ‘it is not enough’ when in reality, it was overflowing! 

I had to lose it all to see how blessed I was. 

This morning, my mom asked me to move around the house and thank God for everything. For the spoons, the chairs…everything! 

When I started, I broke down in tears. We have so much to be thankful for but the focus was on ‘things that are broken’.

I grew up wishing I had my own room, now I have a room to myself. My little sister has her own room!

I have a Mac book! Something I would see on the magazines and ask ‘God when’. I remember my Sony Vaio broke in Jos and there are days I would switch it on and stare at the white screen. Praying for some sort of miracle…

In our former house (at Regimannuel Estate), I had to craft in my room (it was messy all the time). Here, I converted the garage to my craft room. I was so consumed with the things that did not matter that I failed to appreciate what I had right in front of me.

I always dreamt of living in a duplex as a kid. Walking down the stairs this morning brought back memories of my childhood. 

The staircase I took for granted, climbing up, down, up, down everyday while complaining about irrelevant things, was my wish as a child.

The house we lived in before this one had so many issues (structural). I was consumed by it all. Spent my days complaining.

But it was a beautiful house! We had that pool I always dreamt off (even tho I nearly drowned….story for another day).

I let so much consume me. 

I got angry.

I became sad.

I cried.

And now,

I’m GRATEFUL!

I look back at all God had given us that we took for granted.

We had it all but somehow it felt like we were still struggling.

I look back and realise how those around wished they could switch places with me. Now things make sense!

With my teary eyes, a heart full of so much pain, I say thank you God. You gave us all we ever wanted. You answered all our prayers but somehow we did not see. Even though our reality had changed, the mind was struggling to adapt. 

I’m grateful for being alive. Waking up healthy. I survived a ruptured appendix. I’m still here….I’m grateful!

I’m grateful for my little sister.

I’m grateful for my mother. I remember how she drove from Jos to Taraba State because of government contracts. Many people lost their lives to accidents. Even in all her trials, she has remained healthy and strong. Many do not have their moms. I’m grateful God.

I’m grateful for the house you have blessed us with. Even in this dark moment, I walk around with a grateful heart knowing all will be well. This is temporary. 

I’m grateful for the gifts I’ve been given. I took it all for granted, second guessing myself and doubting my abilities. God would never give me what I cannot handle. 

I’m grateful for everything!

 

 

Featured Image Source: GiftPundits (Pexels)